Sweet, simple things . . .

"I am beginning to learn that it is the sweet, simple things of life which are the real ones after all."

Laura Ingells Wilder

I love food/recipe websites and blogs. I LOVE them. Which you can probably tell by checking out by who I am following. I subscribe to a TON of recipe newsletters - I am an addict. Unfortunately I cannot cook as much as I would like (or bake for that matter), but if I wasn't going to become a doctor I just might have been a chef. Who knows. I am fascinated with cooking and baking. I love them -"sweet simple things."

Little things make me happy. I truly believe you create your own happiness. When you find little things that lift your spirit and make you smile . . . things that don't cost anything . . . then you find happiness. I love flowers with their vibrant colors and wildflowers - with their unabandoned beauty. I love the sun, stars, and moon. I love nighttime- especially in Arizona- it is just so pretty. The smell, the sky, the stars. I love my daughters smile and her laughter. She will just laugh at something on TV or even while she is sleeping and my heart smiles. I love the way my daughter wants to dance with me and play with me. I love running, working out, even just walking with my dogs and daughter - it energizes me - makes me feel so awesome. I love quotes (can you tell?), I love animals, I love children, I love so many simple, beautiful things about life - I LOVE LIFE!!!!!

That reminds me - yesterday I was at ASU to see an herbarium (I believe that is what it is called) This professor put so much time and effort into created basically a palpable "database" with all kinds of herbs, flowers, plants, etc from different regions of the world - each one was color coded by region with an actual dried specimen within and details of the plant. It was incredible. Anyway while I was there, a little girl was there with her father and sister - her father does some work for this lab/herbarium and they had just dropped off her mother at the airport for a trip. Anyway as usual I was drawn to this little one - her name was Bee - she was beautiful - rosy cheeks and just so FUN - you could tell it by her awesome little attitude. Well she wanted to go with us to the other room where this lab was and then her father and her left while we were checking everything out. They came back to say goodbye and Bee stood at the door and waved goodbye to me. She didn't want to stop saying goodbye and waving. Finally she said "I love you." and I said "I love you." I LOVE HER - I LOVE KIDS. How fun, honest, loving they are - trusting angels - I never want to see their spirits broken - they are beautiful gifts from God. I told the professors I was with that kids love me - not so much adults - but kids do - and I wouldn't have it any other way. I can't be a pediatrician - as I stated that would be too hard on me - but I will somehow work with kids, motivate them, help them - somehow, someday . . . After all they are what makes the world go 'round. At least my world . . . .

Phoenix Children's Hospital

So I volunteered today for the Phx Children's Hospital - I did not get to work with the children ) : But I helped run around and get things needed for the Rainbow Camp next week. The Rainbow Camp is a camp for children with cancer. I was told every year they have a memorial service for the children who could not return to this year's camp. I could have cried. My heart also was torn in two when I saw the little children walking into the hospital or leaving the hospital - for whatever reason - maybe their sibling or friend or relative was in there suffering or maybe they had to go for a reason of their own. Then I saw a little guy just sobbing on his mother's shoulder as she was trying to calm him down. I went to say hello and she said he gets a little disoriented after surgeries. Surgeries- meaning more than one - that really tore me up. Thank God for my healthy babygirl. I know I could not be a pediatrician watching children suffer who look to us, the people who are supposed to make them better, to help them and I would truly die each time I couldn't help that child. God bless pediatricians. We must all remember our blessings. Really truly realize how hard some peoples lives are - and try to somehow someway make their burdens a little lighter, their days a little brighter . . .

That being said . . . here is my quote for the day . . .

	It's not what you gather, but what you scatter that tells what kind of life you have lived. - Helen Walton

I am braver than I believe . . .

	You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. - Christopher Robin to Pooh

Well Charles left again last night - I say again because he did this last year right in the middle of my school term with two HUGE tests coming up within the week and no one to watch Bella for either class or the tests. I was devastated. But you can only hurt me bad once . . . you can only burn me one time and as the song says "the first cut is the deepest." And my first cut was quite deep and a long time ago, so nothing will crush me. I won't let it. I let it the first time, to the point of becoming anorexic, depressed, and lost part of myself in the "first cut" experience. But what did not kill me truly made me stronger - it also might have made me quite a cynic, but a stronger cynic it made me. Which is one of the reasons I am probably not married right now. I always loved this one comedian that said "everyone is f*&('d up, you just need to find someone as f*(&'d up as you and hang out." Or something to that effect. I will never deny that I have issues. But maybe it is the army brat in me or just the events of my life that have made me always pick myself up, dust myself off, and get movin' on. Now that I have Bella - nothing can stop me. It is for her that I will carry on, succeed in all I do - to prove to her that she can do that and more. By the way he is back again . . . for the moment . . . but hopefully to stay.

So I say again, "I am braver than I believe, stronger than I seem, and smarter than you think." Look out world . . . .

beauty bloggers

You know I have always been (still am) the type of person that if I did not want to aspire to be like a certain person in some way - whether have hair like them, make done like them, dress like them, be as intelligent as them, or as charming etc etc . . . . I did not really pay attention or care what their opinions were - especially if they had an opinion about me. If I don't like how you look - then what do I care what you think of how I look. If you are working in a loser job, I don't need your advice on how to build up my career . . .

Anyway I have found that there are many beauty bloggers on the web - MANY - and most have great info - not all have looks I would aspire to have - but love reading most of their comments, claims, etc. It just amazes that certain people really think more of themselves. I mean - that's great - whatever works. But WOW - there are some bold people in the world. It takes all kinds I guess.

Now after saying that - let me reiterate that I am by no means creating this blog for others to read - I am doing it for my own personal diary of sorts - so there are people who may think - "the gall of this chic thinking we care what she says" - I don't - I'm just saying . . . ( :

So enough said . . . blog away people . . .

touched a heart . . .

"Post ♥ this ♥ on ♥ someone's ♥ wall ♥ who ♥ made♥ you ♥ smile ♥ somewhere, ♥ sometime ♥ in ♥ your ♥ life. ♥ It ♥ may ♥ surprise ♥ you,♥ but ♥ check ♥ out ♥ how ♥ many ♥ come ♥ back. ♥ Thanks ♥ a ♥ lot ♥ for ♥ making ♥ me ♥ smile.!!"

So I got this posted on my wall on facebook, by a high school friend who I became better friends with my first year in college when he would come down to stay and hang out and party with my friends. Then I moved and lost touch with him. How awesome that he would post this . . . isn't it great to know that sometime someplace we might have touched someone's life, someone's heart and they never forgot - so much so that they would leave a saying like this to make my day . . . heck my life. I haven't had a chance to respond back, but I can only say he just made me smile. Oh by the way he did then too. And no there was no romance involved - just true friendship.

Ain't life grand.

Someday we'll all have perfect wings . . .

Someone said something that just broke my heart today . . . they said that they didn't want people to laugh at them so they wanted to make sure that they knew what they were doing. How sad that grown men and women still have to worry about that . . . that breaks my heart - if I could just give that person - heck everyone I meet the strength to either realize that worthless people laugh at others or the strength to not care. I could see the pain that must have happened at some time in this person's life that made them afraid to try - afraid to be laughed out. How horrible that pains still linger into our adulthood that shape us always. That one comment made me think of the Mark Will's song - Don't laugh at me - that always makes me cry . . .

I'm a little boy with glasses
The one they call the geek
A little girl who never smiles
'Cause I've got braces on my teeth
And I know how it feels
To cry myself to sleep

I'm that kid on every playground
Who's always chosen last
A single teenage mother
Tryin' to overcome my past
You don't have to be my friend
But is it too much to ask

Don't laugh at me
Don't call me names
Don't get your pleasure from my pain
In God's eyes we're all the same
Someday we'll all have perfect wings
Don't laugh at me

I'm the cripple on the corner
You've passed me on the street
And I wouldn't be out here beggin'
If I had enough to eat
And don't think I don't notice
That our eyes never meet

I lost my wife and little boy when
Someone cross that yellow line
The day we laid them in the ground
Is the day I lost my mind
And right now I'm down to holdin'
This little cardboard sign...so

Don't laugh at me
Don't call me names
Don't get your pleasure from my pain
In God's eyes we're all the same
Someday we'll all have perfect wings
Don't laugh at me

I'm fat, I'm thin, I'm short, I'm tall
I'm deaf, I'm blind, hey, aren't we all

Don't laugh at me
Don't call me names
Don't get your pleasure from my pain
In God's eyes we're all the same
Someday we'll all have perfect wings
Don't laugh at me

Oh give all these people the strength to overcome this Lord. Make them believe in themselves . . . whether it be by becoming stronger in you or meeting someone who believes in them. Someone who helps them overcome their self doubt, their insecurities, their weaknesses, their pain. Let me inspire, motivate, strengthen these people. I won't laugh at them. I will cry with them, lift them up, cheer for them, support them, and laugh WITH them.

George or Mary?

"It's never too late to be who you might have been."
– George Eliot


George Eliot was the pen name of Mary Ann Evans, the Victorian author known for her psychologically astute novels set in small English towns. She was born on a farm in England in 1819 and wrote several acclaimed novels, including Middlemarch, The Mill on the Floss, and Silas Marner. She lived with George Henry Lewes for several years, which was considered highly scandalous at the time. She died in 1880.

How I love this quote - I can so relate to it as well as to George or should I say Mary herself. She was a rebel in her own way - but so talented. She did as she liked without following the "rules" and norms of the time. I wonder why she felt like she had to use a males name . . . was it because of how she lived that she chose to use the pen name or did she feel she would do better if she were male. How sad either way. I should be so glad that I can live my life today- with some opinionated people judging me - but without bothering me or making me change my name or pursuit of my career.

I so can relate to this quote because it took me so long to figure out what God's plans were for me. And now I know and have the joy of pursuing my destiny. I also wonder what made her use that name - George - for her "boyfriend" perhaps, but Eliot? hmmmm curiousity strikes. I wonder what name I would choose as my pen name if I had to come up with a different name . . . Charles? Nah - I will stick with Catherine Grey . . .

So Dr. Chavez said an awesome thing today . . . "there are no stupid questions, only stupid answers." I know we all heard of the first part - but I truly love the second part. PERFECT. On that note . . . I am off to be all that I might be . . .

Back to reality

Wow I really miss my kids and time spent last week with them. Isn't it funny - I could not WAIT to sleep in - but now I wish we had more time together. The wonderful thing is they keep emailing me, texting me, adding me on facebook . . . It is so exciting. I love knowing that I actually made a difference in these kids lives - even if it is the smallest inspiration - that knowledge thrills me.

Anyway found this great quote which is SO true . . .

“Life is all about timing...the unreachable becomes reachable, the unavailable become available, the unattainable...attainable. Have the patience, wait it out.” ― Stacey Charter

How life just hands you over things that once were not available, attainable, reachable . . . Yes of course you have to work at it, strive for your dreams and goals. But sometimes what seems a hopeless end is just waiting for the right time (God's timing) to be a reality. That has happened so many times in my life. And the crazy thing is - the things I want that I didn't get - I truly was blessed that I didn't get them . . . Thank God for unanswered prayers. These things that I didn't get that I thought I wanted- I actually get to a point where I can't imagine even wanting or striving for them. Life is great . . . just hang on . . .

Pink firetrucks . . .

"Cheerfulness and contentment are great beautifiers and are
famous preservers of youthful looks."

-- Charles Dickens

Isn't this the truth. I love life and I still feel like I am 19 years old. My body does not always agree with me . . . but my mind makes the most of it. That is one of the great things about having a child when you are older . . . I love to play with Bella - we dance, read books, and just have fun together. Like today - she would put her head between my legs and we would walk around like that. Or she was walking backwards while I was holding her hands - simple, heart warming fun. I think she is so beautiful - I would take pictures of her all day long if I could - speaking of which I need a new camera.

So I forgot to mention this fantastic speaker that spoke to the kids yesterday. He was SO motivational. His message was about remember that every minute of every day someone is watching you, judging you, forming opinions of you . . .so always walk taller, with your back straight, do good, always remembering that people are watching you - show them your best always - be the superstar that you are . . . I think that is a fantastic concept. If you always act as if you are being watched - wouldn't you act the best you could - I guess you would have to care about who was watching you . . . so make it - if you always act like your hero or someone you admire or strive to resemble - always act like that person is watching you - make him/her proud . . . stand straighter, be kinder, give more of yourself, be confident . . . you will become that superstar you want to be. The problem that may come is - is when people lack self esteem - they talk themselves into liking the fact that they are obnoxious, mean, rude, ignorant - but deep down inside - that is a defense mechanism to me. One that helps them excuse their own lack of strength or confidence in some area. So here is where we can bring out the best in people if we just believe in them - let them be who they are - but find their good, promote it, and bring out there best. For instance, one of my favorite girls (heck I had a lot) but one of the ones in my group which touched me even before I met her was Jessica. When I met her, she was not how I imagined - altho I did not really imagine anything in particular. She wore black, was self conscious, intimidated slightly - one that could either love or hate this whole experience. She was shy - didn't want to have to fit in and wouldn't be forced. So I never even tried to make her be friends with anyone - I became her friend - and she always gravitated toward me. I listened and asked questions. I told her what I thought was beautiful about her - and in one week - she blossomed - she is awesome. She became stronger and more self assured - and happier - I love her.

Ok so that being said . . . what is the pink firetrucks - well the firefighter who gave the inspirational talk that I absolutely loved - he started and does what is called "pink firetrucks" which supports women with breast cancer. HOW AWESOME - so I told him I so wanted to be involved - they go all over the country supporting the cause . . . I love it. I will even wash the firetrucks - I just want to be involved - so hopefully I can do something soon . . .

How cool people are . . . how many awesome people there are in the world. And I want to bring out the best in everyone I can - "if I could ease one's pain, or lift the robin to it's nest again . . . my life would not be in vain." I loved working with these kids - I loved motivating them - I loved the effect Sreyah and I had in just one week. I need to do this - it is my calling . . .

My "kids" at health careers institute

Ok have I mentioned how awesome the kids are that Sreyah and I had to mentor this week - they are the BEST - the got us roses, a big cookie and made us these awesome cards and each one of them signed it. It was perfect! I really hope they keep in touch- there isn't anything I wouldn't do to help our younger generation - especially my "kids" from the camp this summer. I'm still smiling - I love 'em!!!

If our future lies in the hands such as these - we got it made!!!!

Love ya guys - Vincent, Ben, Brianna, Caitlyn, Jessica, Anthony, and Kellen - always . . .

I love my kids . . .

I absolutely love my kids at this Health Careers Institute this week. They are so quiet and unassuming. I told them - everyone thinks because our group is quiet that we are a non-entity - but we end up kicking BUTT!!! We won Jeopardy, we got two of our team members in the final name the bone game. (I hope we won that but don't know yet) They really came together today to come up with a skit -and it was great - and they did it in no time at all. I love love LOVE them. I wish we could have more time with them. They are terrific!!!

Ok so have to get to bed early - our last day is tomorrow and I am so going to miss these guys. I will be so excited to sleep in and work out again - but so bummed I won't be able to see the kids again. Hopefully they will keep in touch. I love mentoring kids. HMMMMM . . . . maybe I should do more of that . . . I know "Focus Daniel-son." (or whateva the old guy said in karate kid)

So I will end with this thought . . .

If you treat an individual as if he were what he ought to be and could be, he will become what he ought to be and could be."
– Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

I hope I do this for these kids - heck for everyone I meet . . .

Merle . . .

Right now "I think I'll just stay here and drink" is playing on satellite radio . . . very apropos . . . that's all I can say right now . . .

I'm a MILF - YAHHHHOOOOOOO!!!!

Ok maybe that isn't great to say - but I was told today by some of my friends at the health careers camp that some high schoolers and ones that just graduated from high school (and they actually were the ones who would be the cool ones - like football players etc) thought I was a MILF - Ok maybe that doesn't impress many - or maybe secretly you wouldn't mind being a MILF but don't want to admit it - but for as long as I wanted to be a mom - I LOVE IT!!!!!! It is just another symbol of my motherhood - and that I might still have it at my old age . . . I mean c'mon . . . if you are over 40 and someone even references that you still got it . . . it is a good feeling. It is weird - pregnancy in a sense made me loose some of my self esteem - not that I had a ton in the first place . . . or maybe I just had a different kind when I was single. But to know that I have my beautiful daughter and young'uns out there still think I am somewhat hot - now that makes me feel good - right or wrong - it's true . . .

"Bella's mom has got it going on . . ." lol - I always loved that song . . .

Teach me how to Douggie . . .

Or however you spell it - how fun kids are- aren't they - if you get interested in something that is their generation- their thing - they love it. I said I wanted to know what the Douggie was in the new song that is out - and I had all kinds of kids trying to show me how to jerk - and wanted to show me other moves- it was awesome. I love working with kids. They really are a blast.

Well Bella is sleeping now - which I have the feeling that means she will be up in the middle of the night - so I am going to hurry up and get some sleep before she is in full force - wide awake. Last night was a rough night. She slept on and off and Charles and I are also helping watch Dr. Chavez's dogs - so sleep is a precious commodity we can't seem to get enough of . . .

I will end with an appropriate and very true quote . . .

If you want a lifetime of happiness,
help the next generation.

Love grows where my Bella goes . . .

Love grows where my Bella goes and nobody knows like me . . .

Have I mentioned I absolutely adore, love, live for, etc etc etc my daughter Bella. She is sleeping behind me in my bed right now - taking her nap and she is just perfect to me. Thank you God for my angel. She healed me, saved me, inspires me, motivates me. Okay I will stop for the moment.

I usually can tolerate most people - heck I tolerate all people. But there are some people I just have to make an extra effort at putting up with . . . especially the ones who think that everyone just absolutely loves them, wants to hear them speak, wants them around, etc . . . so much so they butt into every conversation and steer it towards themselves. Those are the ones I really would like to push down - to the ground. That is all I will say on that subject. Thank God my parents raised me with impeccable manners. And I am not always the best at using them, but when I need to - - they are my pocket full of gems. Because I would get in much more trouble than I would want if I did not choose to use these manners I was thankfully taught through out life. Have I mentioned I absolutely LOVE my partner in crime at the summer camp for school this week. She is completely awesome.

On a separate note, I read something fantastic the other day . . . which is kinda a "known" - but I just loved it. Love is POWERFUL. I don't think I really ever thought about it in that respect -but isn't that the truth. It is powerful - it can save someone, heal someone, make someone feel young again, but best of all make someone into a beautiful person - make that person better at everything and anything. Love is awesome . . .

I love to learn

Learn as if you were going to live forever. Live as if you were going to die tomorrow.
-- Mahatma Gandhi

Wow that could sum up my life - and I love it. The kids were here today for the medical school camp. What a great experience for them and for us. I love it!!! We did surgery today. The kids got to suture pigs feet, really scrub as if they were going into surgery - which is a long crazy ordeal (I did not know), then actually be in a room with a real surgeon acting like he was performing surgery. I learned so much today - it was awesome. I think if I could be a forever student I would. Tomorrow is a lot of lectures - but also venipuncture - which will be a good refresher for us all. I really like the other camp counselors too - we are having so much fun - it's great! I am beat - but this is so worth it.

Oh to a more tired note - Miss Bella did not get to sleep until abot 4:45 last night - yes that is not a misprint and I was the only one who could get her to sleep - so needless to say I am BEAT!!! But she just walked in and said "MMMMMMa Ma" Oh I love her so - words cannot say. She is every beat of my heart - truly. Ok have to try to get some sleep tonight and still have prayers and stories to read with my darling Bella and other things to get done. Plus I am watching Dr. Chavez's dogs while he and his family are in Florida - so have to leave early to get the dogs morning walk in.

So I will end with another great quote about learning . . .

Tell me and I forget. Teach me and I remember. Involve me and I learn.
Benjamin Franklin

Hello Kitty rules . . . (sigh) nostalgia

I love - absolutely LOVE Hello Kitty - I always have and now I love getting Sanrio things for my daughter. That is just the cutest face. You know I think about that every once in a while and I know comedians touch upon this (not that Hello Kitty falls into play here) - but do you remember the toys we had when we were young. There were chemistry sets, a "long darts", and I don't remember ANYONE wearing a helmet to ride a bike - weren't the kids who wore helmets slow or something was wrong with them - how times have changed. And we didn't have video games - not until we were older - we had to use our imaginations - that is what is lacking in today's society. I remember my mom would just tell us to "go out and play." And we didn't have any thing specific to play with - so we would play war, climb trees, explore - USE OUR BRAINS - and we COULD - we could amuse ourselves for hours. LOL - now I feel like the old man who tells the next generation how he walked up hill both ways to school - but it was TRUE - ask my brother - we did walk uphill to catch the bus - maybe not both ways . . . Ah memories . . . One of my favorite quotes is by Dr. Suess . . .

Don't cry because its over, smile because it happened.
-- Dr. Seuss

Anyhooo. . . Onto a new subject. . . I have to add that I just love the Kings of Leon - they remind me of a GREAT classic 70's/80's band - but better. I was just talking to Zack - my beloved hair dresser - how music just isn't the same - records - remember how much we LOVED album covers - nothing beat records. When I finally got tapes - I could actually make mixes - and I loved that. It took me forever to get CD's and now they are becoming extinct. Crazy.

Oh the good ole days . . . You know we are making 'em right now . . . think about that . . . we can't just dwell on the past because this too shall be the past and we will talk about today . . . as long as we contribute, live and ENJOY this moment - so enjoy those memories - but enjoy today too - since we are making new memories at this very moment . . . Ok now I am off to make a memory with my Miss Bella . . .

Tired, tired, tired

Bella's sleep is seriously messed up - she is not falling asleep until really late then up again early . . . It is rough - especially since I now have to be up for this camp at school. And I . . . need . . . sleep. But somehow I had a little panic attack last night. My heart really hurt - my chest/back - and I could not get a deep breath (shortness of breath) and one does not need to be studying to be a doctor to have that scare the living daylight out of you. So I panicked - Bella needed me last night and I was the only one who could calm her down and get her to sleep. I would spend all my minutes of everyday to hold that little girl if she needed me. Obviously I eventually felt better, but it gives you a wake up call. I need that little girls love as much as she needs me. And how heart wrenching for the people who lose that or never have that. This goes into play that I wish I could save all the abused, neglected, sad children. As for that - I wish I could rescue and keep all the abused and neglected animals and the ones no -one wants. I would take care of them until someone needed them - give them love - and happiness - until someone else wanted to show them that kind of love as well. I just mentioned to Dr. Chavez yesterday - I can't stand when people hurt animals (and children) - I remember jumping out of my vehicle (well the vehicle my boyfriend at the time was driving) and running down the freeway to save a dog that someone just dumped in the middle of the road - my efforts were fruitless and I cried and cried. How could someone do that and why couldn't I save the poor thing. He was so scared and lacked trust. Love - if he was given love - if I was given the chance to show him love - I could change all that. Back to my quote from the bible . . . "And the greatest of these is love."

Maybe God you could allow me the chance to do this - I don't need money or fancy things - I just need the opportunity to help people and animals . . . Oh please please please God give me that chance.

Early night

So tomorrow I start my two weeks being a counselor at the camp at school they are having . . . So I will not be able to spend as much time as I have been with my Bella boop . . . I hate that. With research I still can wake up with her and be home by dinner. Oh well - the duties of life . . .

I just got off the phone with my best friend Rhonda - I miss her so much - it is so wonderful to talk to her even tho because of the time frame we can't talk as much as we like. Aren't friends some of the best things in life . . .especially ones that have known you a long time. I actually found my best friend from my grade school days Angie Stoecker on facebook. It is awesome talking to her again. Being an army brat - it is hard to have "friend's since you were young" thing -but nonetheless I have been blessed with beautiful, fantastic, wonderful friends . . . like my Rhonda Lou.

So I must now go to sleep . . . I am tired but I know when I lay down I won't sleep - but I will try . . . my mind never seems to stop working . . . but to end with one of my favorite quotes by one of my mother's favorite poets Emily Dickinson . . . this is my goal . .

If I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain;
If I can ease one life the aching,
Or cool one pain,
Or help one fainting robin
Unto his nest again,
I shall not live in vain.

Fireworks

Well Bella is not impressed with fireworks . . . but they scared my poor dog Angus - he was pretty much spooked all night. Bella just wanted to get down and walk and explore - who cares about those colorful works of fire in the sky.

Independence Day - I read a great quote from Ronald Reagan and of course can't remember it exactly, but it said something like this . . .

Freedom is not handed down through generations
like a blood borne line or through any kind of genetics
It is a gift that is earned, fought for by each generation.

I will have to find it again and write it . . . it was awesome.

So I love 70's music - maybe it is because that was my actual youth - the days before the teenage years. I am listening to Fleetwood Mac right now. Wow talk about not making music like they used to. I mean everything out there is rap it seems - with a few rare music pieces that don't involve rap. That is probably why I listen to oldies radio - 50's, 60's, 70', even 80's - what a great time it was for music . . . I am getting old aren't I? lol . . . Off to school for research . . .

Happiness . . .

I just read a great quote - but I am sure I won't get it completely right but it said something to this respect . . .

The greatest part of our happiness or misery
depends not on our circumstances,
But our dispositions.

How true is THAT! Wow . . . haven't you been there - you are completely miserable at the moment - but it is just changing your mindset - deciding that you don't want to be miserable and BOOM you are good again. I read in one of motivational books that if you even fake it - fake being happy, fake being secure, etc. you eventually will believe it. It will become you. That of course goes the opposite way too. Your thoughts control your personality. Now to remember that when people drive me nutso.

Ok couple random things for today - I love surveys. And I love Waylon Jennings. That being said I will end my session for the moment with this saying (Oh and wishing all a Happy 4th - notice I write as if anyone is really reading this - but it makes me feel good whether anyone reads or not)

There is one in every crowd . . .
Why was it always turning out to be me?

Ain't even done with the night . . .

Oh I love that song - John Cougar Mellencamp . . . Ain't even done with the night. That is such a great song for new love.

Anyway - my daughter is nocturnal - I should have known this from how much she moved late at night when she was in my womb. I wish now that I would have treasured more of the time I was pregnant- but it was such a stressful time. Med school, doctor's appointments, specialists, gestational diabetes = dietician, talk about high risk pregnancy. There is more that added to that - but I don't feel like getting into that at the moment . . .

So I need to say how much I love Goodwill. I wish I could shop there every 50% off weekend - it is the best place EVER!!! Just my thought of the day.

So I will end the day with a song we used to sing at the end of the day at Girl's State in Illinois when they brought the flag down off the flag pole. That was a neat week - but once again for another time . . .

Day is done
Gone the sun
From the hill
From the earth
From the sky
All is well
Safely rest
God is nigh

Final thoughts of the day . . .

If you plant corn, you get corn. Bella is definitely a mini-me. A little crazy, a little fun, very intuitive, very intelligent . . . and she is so beautiful.

I really hate drama. People at some point got the misunderstanding that I like drama - I don't. Which makes me want to just stay away from people the older I get. I don't want to know who said what about who, I don't even care if it was said about me, just let me remain clueless and happy.

I don't think I have mentioned that my signo is awesome at making me feel like no one else in the world matters. I mean there are all these young hotties marching around AZ with little to nothing on and you would really think he sees none of it. I love him for that. No other guy was good with that - except ones I didn't care if they looked elsewhere. He really makes me feel loved. Even if there is a hottie about, he truly acts like she doesn't exist - actually acts a little nervous - and makes sure I know that he is all about me. I don't even know if he realizes he does it - but that is so dreamy to me. If you could invent a male - that is one of the qualities all women wish for . . . at least I do, and I got it with him. Now if only that would last. I am a pessimist when it comes to relationships. To put it bluntly, I suck at them. I can master pretty much everything else I want to in life, but not relationships. I actually cry at the Alan Jackson song "Remember then" not because it reminds me of someone - but because I always wanted that kind of love and never had it.

Dr. Chavez is wonderful. Did I mention that? I am working in his lab right now and he is my mentor. He wants to find a cure for breast cancer and I truly believe in his work and I hope and pray he does. He is awesome - just awesome. I just had to take the time to mention him and will again I am sure - he is truly wonderful . . .an angel sent from God . . . So I will end tonight with the lyrics from Alabama's song "Angel's Among Us" because it reminds me of him and so many others who have blessed my life . . .

I was walking home from school on a cold winter's day
Took a shortcut through the woods and I lost my way
It was getting late and I was scared and alone
Then a kind old man took my hand and led me home
Mama couldn't see him, but he was standing there
But I knew in my heart, he was the answer to my prayers

Oh I believe there are angels among us
Sent down to us from somewhere up above
They come to you and me in our darkest hours
To show us how to live
To teach us how to give
To guide us with a light of love

When life dealt troubled times and had me down on my knees
There's always been someone there to come along and comfort me
A kind word from a stranger to lend a helping hand
A phone call from a friend just to say I understand
Ain't it kind of funny at the dark end of the road
Someone lights the way with just a single ray of hope

Oh I believe there are angels among us
Sent down to us from somewhere up above
They come to you and me in our darkest hours
To show us how to live
To teach us how to give
To guide us with a light of love

They wear so many faces
Show up in the strangest places
Grace us with thier mercy
In our time of need

Oh I believe there are angels among us
Sent down to us from somewhere up above
They come to you and me in our darkest hours
To show us how to live
To teach us how to give
To guide us with a light of love

My morning cup of tea . . .

"This is the day the Lord has made, we will rejoice and be glad in it." I love that saying. I think if we all woke up and thought that the world would be a very different place.

One of the best things about being a mother just happened to me - and I love reflecting on all these little things about motherhood since it is my greatest accomplishment. Anyway Bella woke up early this morning and I brought her into my bed. As I was getting ready for the day, she woke up with a start (how formal is that saying right there "with a start" - I digress . . .) and once she saw me, she calmed down. Once I picked her up, she fell back asleep. What a beautiful thing. That love, that trust, that connection - the complete and utter feeling of love and safety that can just make her relax again. Oh that just made my morning. I mean think of it - it happens all the time with children and their parents. Parents are the ones that can calm their child, make them feel better when they are sick, help them pick themselves up after they fell and had a little cry, allow their children to feel so safe and loved that they can fall asleep. Beautiful, just beautiful. Thank you God for my Bella.

The song in my head this morning is Keith Urban's "Who wouldn't want to be me?" How appropriate. . .

Now onto my day . . . with a smile on my face and true joy in my heart.

If I had you . . .

I may be the only person in America - or at least one of the only people in the US who does not watch American Idol, but I think I heard the name Adam Lambert from listening to people talk about AI - if not I stand corrected. Anyway I just heard the song "If I had you" by Adam Lambert and I love it. Ramblings . . . but have to put down things like this so I remember them. I love music and used to have thousands of tapes and then CD's - until we had to sell them all this past year for mula . . . a sad day in the life of Catherine Grey - but a girl's gotta do what girl's gotta do . . . anyway now I am starting over on I-tunes. My sister educated me on the whole i-tunes thing this spring and I am addicted - except I am still broke so I cannot get all the music I want. If only I knew to download all my CD's before I sold them - hindsight is 20/20.

More ramblings - Charles - my signo (significant other) is addicted to fishing. I guess if a man is going to be out all night I should be glad he is fishing for fish and not anything else . . .

Ok let me leave you with another awesome quote that inspires me, defines me . . .

"I will not die an unlived life. I will not live in
fear of falling or catching fire. I choose to inhabit
my days, to allow my living to open me, to make me less
afraid, more accessible, to loosen my heart until it
becomes a wing, a torch, a promise. I choose to risk my
significance; to live so that which comes to me as seed
goes to the next as blossom and that which comes to me
as blossom, goes on as fruit."

-- Dawna Markova

Final thoughts of the day . . .

I think Bella is going to be soccer player - she is already kicking balls - or a baseball player - she is swinging bats - or a dancer - she loves to dance by herself or pull mommy up to dance with her . . . heck she could be whatever she wants to be . . . The only wish I have is - like the song says . . . "if you get the choice to sit it out or dance . . . DANCE!"

Anyway my final thought is a belief I want to share . . . If you truly believe in someone and show
it by taking the time to really listen and to honestly "grasp" that person - let them know they are something in your eyes, they are not alone, and even if they fail they are still amazing to you - that person becomes something . . . something bigger and better than they can ever have even imagined . . .they become that hero they want to be . . . and there isn't a person alive that doesn't want to be someone's hero. It just takes giving them some of your valuable time, showing them your love and dedication, and sharing with them your positive energy . . . you can bring about the best in that person. You allow that person to believe in themselves because of your strength and love . . . and you will see . . . miracles do happen and heroes are everywhere.

Where to start?

Wow - I think I should have something really terrific to say that will capture my readers attention. But then again, am I starting this for my readers? No I am starting this for me. I would love to influence the world with some motivational and inspirational dialogue, but for now I am just going to write my random thoughts. Let me start by introducing myself to whoever it may concern. I am Catherine Grey Kasper. My greatest accomplishment thus far is my beautiful baby girl, Isabella Greyce, who I had almost 17 months ago at the youthful age of 39 during my first year of medical school. I am now headed into my third year of medical school with so much to be thankful for . . . I have a lifetime of stories to jot down in this diary I am creating. But I will only do small doses. I love quotes so I want to end this short stint with a quote I just read that I absolutely love . . .

"The path to our destination is not always a straight one. We

go down the wrong road, we get lost, we turn back. Maybe it

doesn't matter which road we embark on. Maybe what matters is

that we embark."

-- Barbara Hall